the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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