Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
