My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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