Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
