Sponge bath it is.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
