Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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