Don't make out with my wife yet
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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