Slut skills are useful in every country.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
