walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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