sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
