How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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