She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
