I wish life had little blips of pornography
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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