I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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