Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
