With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
