my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
