good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
