I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
