she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
