my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
