I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
