His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
