I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
