I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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