Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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