Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
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The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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