I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
try to milk me bitch
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize