we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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