the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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