so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
