whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
