if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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