Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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