just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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