You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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