the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I faked an abortion last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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