He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
