It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
