His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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