I want to have your abortion
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
