You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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