Don't you send me to vm
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
