You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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