Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
