So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
