Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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