The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
