Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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