At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
