You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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