I think I won the penis lottery.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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