Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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