so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
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