I didn't shave. On purpose
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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