Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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