The maid of honor just puked.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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