Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
