Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
