He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
