I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize