another moral hangover. fuck.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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