Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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