we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
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you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
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Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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