i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
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i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
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she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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