$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
