I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst night to have a conscience
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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